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Sports InsiderThe Worst Basketball Films of All Time.
July 25th 2006 10:05
Put your hands up if you love movies! I get the sense there are a whole lot of hands pointing skywards right now. We all have seen magnificent movies that has opened our minds and expanded our horizons. Equally we all have been victims of some absolute stinkers that have made us curse the time that we have wasted and that we’ll never get back. Not so long ago on the pages of NBALOUD we analysed the best basketball films of all time according to this writer – here are the worst.
These movies are so bad that in a lot of ways they are worth watching for the utter nasty stench that surrounds these films. As viewers, these flicks makes us feel dirty and in need of a shower to clean off the grime that encapsulates any person watching these screen “gems”.
In complete honesty this list was far more difficult to compile than the best basketball themed movies because there have been some absolute howlers that are almost all as equally bad. The dire pain that these films inflict on this writer has been so profound that I still wake up at night screaming in searing pain. The horror, the horror…
5. The Air Up There
Kevin Bacon stars as college basketball coach Jimmy Dolan, who is having a
difficult time professionally and personally. After blowing a major recruiting effort he spies a missionary film of a spectacular basketball player in Africa who is part of the Winabe tribe and gets a drunken epiphany.
Let us go back a bit and state this important plot point: Jimmy Dolan is a coach of a Catholic college! So, not only do we get a terrible basketball film, but imperialist overtones of the white man leading the minority to modernisation.
Dolan goes to Kenya to convince the basketball prodigy Saleh by any means possible to come and play basketball for his team. So, what we get is Kevin Bacon not only acting like he knows about ball, but trying to play the game too! We have all seen how fleet footed he is in Footloose, but his balling skills in this movie are dire. Yes, I realise that in Footloose there was a double dancing, but at least the shots of Bacon actually dancing looked half convincing. In The Air Up There, Bacon’s skills are so awful that even my deceased grandmother would have more ball skills than Kev, and she hasn’t played the game in her life and is actually dead!
Sorry grandma for using your name in vain and in such horrible circumstances.
4. Like Mike
Now Lil’ Bow Wow, or Bow Wow as he prefers to be called now has never
been high in my list of artists with credibility. His faux-gangsta posing just makes this writer want to gag, very much like his role in Like Mike.
Like Mike also has the distinction of having that little kid in Jerry Maguire starring in this film too. This is as much of a gag-fest as Deep Throat was.
Lil’ Bow Wow plays Calvin, an orphan, who one day comes across a pair of magical old sneakers that gives him the ability to play unbelievable basketball. Calvin eventually plays for an NBA team and against all odds becomes an inspiration, after going through the predictable hardships that befall young Calvin from his fellow NBA teammates.
The worst aspect of this film? The NBA actually gave permission to use its licensing and that actual players appear in this film. Worse still they are made to act like they’re being schooled on the court by a punk kid!
The final indignation that any viewer has to endure whilst watching this film is to listen to the crappy rhymes of Lil’ Bow Wow.
3. Eddie
An even harder to swallow premise than Kevin Bacon acting as a basketball coach is Whoopi Goldberg playing one! But wait, it gets better. Do you dear readers know how Eddie gets to be a coach of the New York Knicks no less? Well, she wins a contest to sit on the bench one night as an honorary coach and so impresses the new, redneck owner of the Knicks that he hires her permanently to be coach.
Eddie, allow this author to emphasise is a mad Knicks fan and a very knowledgeable basketball aficionado. The sinister plot it turns out is that Wild Bill the owner of the Knicks wants New York to stink so he can move the team to St. Louis.
The other horrendous aspect of Eddie is that real NBA players make up a lot of the cast and are required to actually act! Well, let’s just say these men make the actors in the movie Showgirls look like Oscar nominees!
Get ready to puke your insides out watching Eddie try to coach a team full of professionals and actually take a charge!
You, go girl!
2. The Fish that Saved Pittsburgh
The great Julius Erving is without a shadow of a doubt one of the greatest and most popular basketball players to ever lace up some high tops. However, playing basketballer Moses Guthrie in The Fish that Saved Pittsburgh has got to be one of the more confounding career moves ever taken by an athlete.
The plot is inane. Allow me to illustrate: The Pittsburgh basketball team is utterly hopeless except for Guthrie. The other players feel the reason behind their inept basketball performances is not because of their own lack of talent, but because Moses is hogging the spotlight! So, what course of action do the players take? They walk out on the team of course! Brilliant. Why didn’t we all think of that?
The plot isn’t weird enough already? Well, the towel boy Tyrone decides to consult with an astrologist who suggests that the team should hold open tryouts for the team and select players who were born under the same star sign as Guthrie – Pisces.
What we get is a bunch of weirdos who naturally come together to form a star basketball team.
The amazing thing is that The Fish that Saved Pittsburgh has become a somewhat cult film with its disco inspired soundtrack and setting.
This film is so bad that it is almost “good”.
1. Slam Dunk Ernest
Part of the Ernest does jack shit series Jim Varney once again plays the dimwit title character.
Ernest begins life in this film as a mascot for a city league team that he is intent on joining. After one of the players gets injured he steps into the team and becomes a star.
How does the slack-jawed yokel become a superstar baller? Well, he obtains a pair of magical shoes (Now where have we seen this plot before?) from an archangel played by Kareem Abdul-Jabbar which gives Ernest the skills to jump higher than any basketball player out there. Kareem must have decided to star in this movie after a session smoking his medicinal marijuana this writer thinks.
The city league team wins the tournament and plays NBA team the Charlotte Hornets whose players become jealous of the attention that Ernest receives.
This movie went straight to video. Enough said.
* All Images in this post are from Wikipedia
These movies are so bad that in a lot of ways they are worth watching for the utter nasty stench that surrounds these films. As viewers, these flicks makes us feel dirty and in need of a shower to clean off the grime that encapsulates any person watching these screen “gems”.
In complete honesty this list was far more difficult to compile than the best basketball themed movies because there have been some absolute howlers that are almost all as equally bad. The dire pain that these films inflict on this writer has been so profound that I still wake up at night screaming in searing pain. The horror, the horror…
5. The Air Up There
Kevin Bacon stars as college basketball coach Jimmy Dolan, who is having a
Let us go back a bit and state this important plot point: Jimmy Dolan is a coach of a Catholic college! So, not only do we get a terrible basketball film, but imperialist overtones of the white man leading the minority to modernisation.
Dolan goes to Kenya to convince the basketball prodigy Saleh by any means possible to come and play basketball for his team. So, what we get is Kevin Bacon not only acting like he knows about ball, but trying to play the game too! We have all seen how fleet footed he is in Footloose, but his balling skills in this movie are dire. Yes, I realise that in Footloose there was a double dancing, but at least the shots of Bacon actually dancing looked half convincing. In The Air Up There, Bacon’s skills are so awful that even my deceased grandmother would have more ball skills than Kev, and she hasn’t played the game in her life and is actually dead!
Sorry grandma for using your name in vain and in such horrible circumstances.
4. Like Mike
Now Lil’ Bow Wow, or Bow Wow as he prefers to be called now has never
Like Mike also has the distinction of having that little kid in Jerry Maguire starring in this film too. This is as much of a gag-fest as Deep Throat was.
Lil’ Bow Wow plays Calvin, an orphan, who one day comes across a pair of magical old sneakers that gives him the ability to play unbelievable basketball. Calvin eventually plays for an NBA team and against all odds becomes an inspiration, after going through the predictable hardships that befall young Calvin from his fellow NBA teammates.
The worst aspect of this film? The NBA actually gave permission to use its licensing and that actual players appear in this film. Worse still they are made to act like they’re being schooled on the court by a punk kid!
The final indignation that any viewer has to endure whilst watching this film is to listen to the crappy rhymes of Lil’ Bow Wow.
3. Eddie
An even harder to swallow premise than Kevin Bacon acting as a basketball coach is Whoopi Goldberg playing one! But wait, it gets better. Do you dear readers know how Eddie gets to be a coach of the New York Knicks no less? Well, she wins a contest to sit on the bench one night as an honorary coach and so impresses the new, redneck owner of the Knicks that he hires her permanently to be coach.
Eddie, allow this author to emphasise is a mad Knicks fan and a very knowledgeable basketball aficionado. The sinister plot it turns out is that Wild Bill the owner of the Knicks wants New York to stink so he can move the team to St. Louis.
The other horrendous aspect of Eddie is that real NBA players make up a lot of the cast and are required to actually act! Well, let’s just say these men make the actors in the movie Showgirls look like Oscar nominees!
Get ready to puke your insides out watching Eddie try to coach a team full of professionals and actually take a charge!
You, go girl!
2. The Fish that Saved Pittsburgh
The great Julius Erving is without a shadow of a doubt one of the greatest and most popular basketball players to ever lace up some high tops. However, playing basketballer Moses Guthrie in The Fish that Saved Pittsburgh has got to be one of the more confounding career moves ever taken by an athlete.
The plot is inane. Allow me to illustrate: The Pittsburgh basketball team is utterly hopeless except for Guthrie. The other players feel the reason behind their inept basketball performances is not because of their own lack of talent, but because Moses is hogging the spotlight! So, what course of action do the players take? They walk out on the team of course! Brilliant. Why didn’t we all think of that?
The plot isn’t weird enough already? Well, the towel boy Tyrone decides to consult with an astrologist who suggests that the team should hold open tryouts for the team and select players who were born under the same star sign as Guthrie – Pisces.
What we get is a bunch of weirdos who naturally come together to form a star basketball team.
The amazing thing is that The Fish that Saved Pittsburgh has become a somewhat cult film with its disco inspired soundtrack and setting.
This film is so bad that it is almost “good”.
1. Slam Dunk Ernest
Ernest begins life in this film as a mascot for a city league team that he is intent on joining. After one of the players gets injured he steps into the team and becomes a star.
How does the slack-jawed yokel become a superstar baller? Well, he obtains a pair of magical shoes (Now where have we seen this plot before?) from an archangel played by Kareem Abdul-Jabbar which gives Ernest the skills to jump higher than any basketball player out there. Kareem must have decided to star in this movie after a session smoking his medicinal marijuana this writer thinks.
The city league team wins the tournament and plays NBA team the Charlotte Hornets whose players become jealous of the attention that Ernest receives.
This movie went straight to video. Enough said.
* All Images in this post are from Wikipedia
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Comment by Sisi
Comment by Cibbuano
20/20 Filmsight
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Techbreak
what about that one with the dog that plays? Air Bud?
Comment by Stanley
cibby - i have never see all of air bud. just bits and pieces. enough to put me off though.